The Littlest Things

Yes, I shamelessly stole the title from Lily Allen. So shoot me. Please don't though, I don't react well to pain.

Basically, I've noticed some weird things recently, the first happened in KFC a few days ago, now, I don't know about you, maybe it's not that weird. But I order using the least words possible, par examplé: "Can I have a twister meal with diet Pepsi please." Simple, to the point. It would appear that when dressed in a suit, and aiming to project this image of professionalism you must order it word for word on the menu, par examplé again: "Hi, yeah, er, can I please have a toasted twister with salsa meal, with fries and a medium diet coke please." Knock knock, TOO MANY WORDS. They know the product they prepare every day, I referred to the new menu item as a "Caesar roller", and his suited, booted and fruited (he may have had an apple, who knows), friend asked for a "spicy Caesar roller wrap" - again, they know the product, and you went and added your own word there didn't you. LOOK AROUND. You're not in the stuffy office anymore with your holy boss looming over you like global warming does over Bill Gates' house, no, you're in KFC with the rest of us deep fried grease lovers ordering unhealthy food that we justify as being healthy by using the little bit of salad in each meal as a portion of 5 a day. You're unhealthy, lower your standards. And if you must be all businessy, then enquire as to why they offer nothing for the veggies.

Also, I've noticed these weird posters on trains at the moment, about Clown Doctors. Now, I'm sorry, but if I was ill in hospital and I parted my heavy eyes, pushed through the pain, and instead of seeing the blurred image of my parents coming into view, I saw a clown. I'd a) need a nurse to clean up the fact that I'd probably shit myself, and b) worry slightly about the quality of the care I was in. I'm sure I'm missing something here, and that loads of research has gone into things like this, maybe it makes kids enjoy hospital more, but when someone introduces themselves as "Dr Lulu McDoo" who's profile says that she "sprang fully-grown from her father's sporran" (I'm not making this up, bear with me), and that she was then "passed through the family like chicken pox until she was finally settled with a maiden aunt who gave her the freedom of the porridge drawer", I'd worry a little about what was going to happen to me. Would I too be forced into Dr Ludoo's fathers skanky sporran? Does he like to prey on the young and injured? Like a clown father black widow? Just weird.. No, actually I get why they've gone down that route, it's funny, kids will ignore the pain. But on the train.. it just looks.. creepy. "I'm afraid you've broken your hip Sonny Jim, but no worries, here's Dr Glitter to ease the pain!".

My final little niggle is that the girl on the MASSIVE Tesco photo on the side of Tesco (surprise surprise!) is pulling this horrible, almost pained expression that I look at everytime I walk past, and think to myself, 'that's just not a nice photo of her'. Tesco is like a quadrillion pound business, surely they could afford a few extra snaps of this family photo? It's just annoying, quality please Clubcard Kingdom. Not scary kids.

That's about it for now, except for Lady Gaga totally rocked VMA's (granted it's pretty much all of it I've watched so far, but still), I know people don't like her, think she's up herself, but with a live performance like that, managing to sing (hint hint Ms Spears) and put on a show that impressive how can you not like her! She's some sort of boy girl man beast pop princess slayer. Wonders never cease! That's affectionate gender bending allegations there Lady GG. Affectionate.

Love to all, hate to some, Twister meal for me. xx