Tik Wot?

It's 2.50am, and I can't sleep. So I'm eating Jaffa Cakes, watching ANTM Cycle 1 and sitting on a big blue exercise ball. So why not go the full hog on the gay-o-meter and write a blog. So this is a blog.

And the blog shall be on the lyrics to Tik Tok by Ke$ha.. did you know that it makes pretty much no sense? To the analysis machine..

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy (Hey, what up girl?)"

Ok, so lets begin with the fact that Ke$ha wakes up and feels like a criminal rapper? Then to top it, he's in the room watching her sleep and comments as soon as she wakes up? A good start..

"Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city (Lets go)"

It's wise to grab your glasses, and Diddy is going too. It's nice to take friends, however if you've just woken up you might want to freshen up, you know, freshen up. And don't you know freshen up? You've got to freshen up..

"Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack'"
Oh good, you did freshen u- wait, you brushed your teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniels? Did you use it as paste, or an actual toothbrush? That's not right.

"Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back"

That's wonderful, but you've just woken up, remember - "wake up in the morning", I think you said that you felt like P Diddy?

"I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes"
This is normal.

"Trying on all our clothes, clothes"
I suppose it's normal, however you have left and you're not coming back, so I hope you took all the clothes with you..

"Boys blowing up our phones, phones"
Exploding phones are available, but not recommended due to ear based injuries.

"Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs"
Ah, the humble CD, she is a clever girl this Ke$ha (pronounced 'Kesh-ah'), does anyone else feel a bit dodgy downloading an album - if it's deleted you don't have a hard copy!

"Pulling up to the parties"
..then being turned away because you've got P Diddy with you.

"Trying to get a little bit tipsy"
Only trying, and only tipsy. I suppose "definately gonna get wasted" would be giving out a non-PC message. What with the 'in 4 years I'll be going to parties and getting my stomach pumped' adverts on TV at the moment.

"Don't stop, make it pop,"
Well, if she is only drinking pop then she won't even get tipsy.

"DJ, blow my speakers up"
Exploding speakers are the cousins of exploding phones.

"Tonight, I'mma fight' Til we see the sunlight"
Is I'mma a word? Or maybe she's watching someone called I'mma have a fight? "Ooh I'mma, the pancakes are a'burnin'.." "No problem dahlin', let me just smack the funk out of this Keshaa bitch".

"Tick tock on the clock"
Never park your car on a meter, the clock will run out and the party will stop.

"But the party don't stop, no"
No, trust me, when you get a fine you won't have the money to keep partying.

"Don't stop, make it pop. DJ, blow my speakers up. Tonight, I'mma fight. 'Til we see the sunlight. Tick tock, on the clock. But the party don't stop, no."
Just the chorus again, again, and then some "oh oh, a whoa!" noises.

"Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer"
I want the next line to be "but I've got a failed liver.."

"Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here"
..oh. She's skint too.

"And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger"
Yes.. you're skint, the dudes are lining up, I think someone is whoring themselves out. But it's ok, swagger is just code for "chlamydia".

"But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger"
Yes, because Mick Jagger is gorgeous. Clearly. Would you kick Brad Pitt to the curb? No. No you wouldn't. He'd pay a lot!

"I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk"
Not tipsy anymore? You're getting crunk? Oh ok..

"Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk"
Yes, now when it's not in the song does anyone else read this as Keshaa admitting that she's got man parts? I do. It's therefore fact.

"Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk"
I wouldn't do this. P Diddy will tell you what happens in jail. It's not pretty, you go in bad, and come out all Paris Hilton loves the Bible.

"Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out"
This will be a lot faster if you go around hitting your Mick Jaggers. And what's with the repeating words? Do you have very severe Alzheimer's?

"Or the police shut us down, down. Police shut us down, down."
So, it's not your party. And you'll be the one getting them shut down if you don't stop the fighting.

"Po-po shut us."
Who called the Police the "po-po"? It sounds like a Russian dancing bear.

"Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, Tonight, I'mma fight', Til we see the sunlight. Tick tock on the clock, But the party don't stop, no. Don't stop, make it pop. DJ, blow my speakers up. Tonight, I'mma fight'. Til we see the sunlight. Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop, no."
Blah blah, heard it all before.

"DJ, you build me up,"
..buttercup on your playlist? Can you play it.. baha..that's.. that's my friend she's.. she's.. like a total WHORE! Haha.. yes, I'm not just tipsy. I'm Crunk! - Actual conversation overheard last time Ke£ha was at the club.

"You break me down"
JENGA!

"My heart, it pounds"
This isn't really a lyric, it's the same as saying "my lungs, they inflate", or "my kidneys, filter pee". It's just a bit of a pointless biology lesson.

"Yeah, you got me, With my hands up"
Well that's what happens if you hang about with P Diddy. And have fights. And get crunk. You get arrested. Silly bitch.

"You got me now"
"In my jail cell"

"You got that sound"
Ah, the dulcet tones of the siren..

"Yeah, you got me"
At this point, she hasn't really got ANYTHING. She runs out of lyrics and just repeats the chorus and this DJ Jenga bridge part repeatedly..

So, there we go. Tik Tok, is a song full of utter non-sensical bullshit. Now, Jaffa Cakes have gone to the land of stomach, which if being sung by Ke€ha would be "my stomach, it digests". Now, I must depart to the land of sleep (my bed, it's cosy), and recharge my batteries (my battery, it's empty).

Love to all, hate to some, P Diddy in my room, room. xx